When we harbor grudges, we often find ourselves in dangerous situations, attempting to control outcomes and imposing judgment that is not ours to make. This subtle kind of “playing god” can have far-reaching effects, not only for the people we target but also for our own well-being.
The Illusion of Control
Grudges offer us a false sense of empowerment. We believe that by withholding forgiveness, spreading stories, or manipulating situations, we can influence the trajectory of another’s life. However, this thinking ignores a fundamental truth: what is meant to be cannot be taken away through our intervention. When we attempt to engineer someone’s downfall or prevent their triumph, we assume a level of control over the cosmos that we simply do not have. Life has its own way of unfolding, and our attempts to compel results frequently backfire.
The Cost of Silence
“Don’t stay quiet—tell your story.” This wisdom recognizes that there is a distinction between pursuing vengeance and stating the truth. Remaining silent after experiencing wrongdoing can lead to self-harm. Sharing our stories openly is not about dominating others but about reclaiming our own narratives and healing.
However, there is a narrow line between telling your experience and weaponizing it. When we disclose with the primary intention of harming someone else’s reputation or connections, we have crossed the line.
Playing the Victim vs. Being Truthful
One of the most insidious ways we “play god” is to create narratives in which we are permanent victims and others are irredeemable monsters. In the short term, this binary thinking may elicit sympathy, but it distorts reality and traps us in a cycle of hatred.
True healing occurs when we acknowledge both the harm done to us and our own role in complex situations. It entails being open about our pain without exaggerating it in order to harm others.
Judgment Will Come, But Not From Us
It’s common to want to see someone “get what they deserve” after being hurt. But when we assign ourselves as judge, jury, and executioner, we assume a responsibility that is not ours to bear. As the phrase goes, “Judgment will be called”—but that judgment is not ours to give.
When we try to manufacture someone’s punishment or downfall, we are attempting to take over a natural process of cause and effect that has its own timeframe. Frequently, our interference only slows or confuses the process.
The Path Forward
Letting go of grudges does not imply tolerating destructive behavior. Rather, this means:
- Speaking your truth without intending to destroy
- Establishing boundaries to protect yourself
- Prioritizing your healing over their punishment
- Understanding that certain outcomes are beyond your control
By letting go of the impulse to control the fates of others, we release ourselves from the hard work of “playing god.” We make room for actual healing and progress, both for ourselves and, perhaps unexpectedly, for those who have injured us.
The most effective thing we can do is reclaim our own story and move on with integrity, rather than orchestrating the ruin of others. In doing so, we acknowledge that some things are simply meant to be, including our own road to serenity.
A Message from the Author
Dear Readers,
When I wrote on the dangers of grudges, I wasn’t speaking from theory or observation; I was writing from the heart of my personal experience. It happened to me. Every statement on that page stemmed from my own sad experience.
I’ve experienced personally the alluring draw of resentment. After being profoundly wounded by someone I trusted, I became obsessed with ways to make them “pay” for their actions. What I didn’t recognize was that this vendetta was engulfing me.
My healing began not when they “got what they deserved” (which, ironically, occurred without my assistance), but when I took the painful decision to reclaim my story. I told the truth not to ruin them, but to set myself free. I set limits not to punish, but to protect.
When I wrote that “judgment will come, but not from us,” I was accepting something I had learned through hard experience: the universe has its own schedule and ways that operate without my straining efforts to control the outcome.
If you’re reading this and recognize yourself in the words, please know that I see you. I understand the intensity of anguish that makes revenge seem like the only option. But I can also assure you that there is another path forward—one that leads to actual peace rather than the shallow gratification of watching someone else suffer.
Your healing matters more than their punishment ever will.
With compassion and solidarity,
A Fellow Survivor
