The Honeymoon Perspective
I can’t help but smile when newlyweds approach me for marriage advice, their eyes bright with that “We’ve got this all figured out” expression. I recall having the same expression twenty years ago. Now that I’ve been married for two decades, I’ve learned a few things that I wish someone had told me when I was younger.
The Reality Behind the Filters
Here’s the unvarnished truth: marriage can seem like dancing in perfect harmony one day and stepping on each other’s toes the next. Those Instagram-perfect couples? Trust me, they too have mornings full of chilly shoulders over unwashed dishes and furious debates over who gets to call the plumber.
The Recipe for Staying in Love
Let me share my recipe for the “staying in love” sauce, which I developed over years of burned dinners, late-night conversations, shared victories, and, yes, a few shattered doors.
Trust as the Foundation
Begin with a heaping cup of trust. Not just the “I know they won’t cheat” type, but rather a deeper, “I can be completely myself, messy hair and morning breath included” kind. We build everything else on top of this foundation.
Daily Communication
Include daily doses of communication. Sometimes we have lengthy conversations about our dreams; other times, we just exchange ridiculous memes that make us think of one another. I’ve learned that asking, “How was your day?” is more than just small conversation; it’s about bridging the gap between our worlds.
Respect and Affection
Add a generous amount of respect. It’s remarkable how far a simple “I value your opinion” can go, even if that opinion includes moving the furniture for the fifth time this year. Sprinkle affection freely—not just in grand romantic gestures, but in preparing their coffee just right, giving unexpected back rubs, and sending “drive safe” texts.
The Secret Ingredient: Patience
Here’s the secret ingredient: patience. I’m still perfecting this one. Remember that we’re both growing, neither came with an instruction manual, and sometimes growth means making the same mistakes repeatedly until we get it right.
Growth and Flexibility
Include shared aims, but don’t forget to make room for personal desires. Thank God, my spouse and I are different people now than we were twenty years ago! We’ve learned to grow both collectively and individually.
Quality Time and Fun
Remember the importance of spending quality time and having fun. Date nights are as crucial now as they were when we first started dating, if not more so. Sometimes it’s a fancy dinner out, but more often it’s just us in sweats with takeout, laughing at our own jokes.
The Final Essential: Commitment
The final, important component? Commitment. Not the flashy, social media proclamation kind, but the quiet, daily decision to keep stirring the pot, adjusting the spice, and believing in the recipe—even when it feels like everything is boiling over.
The Twenty-Year Reflection
Looking back over the last twenty years, I can say this: marriage isn’t about finding the right person. It’s about creating something wonderful with an imperfect individual who is willing to evolve alongside you. It’s about choosing each other repeatedly, through both burnt dinners and exquisite meals. And you know what? I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Let’s Connect
💭 I’m curious about your experiences! What have your relationships taught you? Which parts of this reflection resonated most with your personal journey? I’d love to learn from your perspectives and insights.
Until next week, may you all be filled with love, light, and wonderful beings. Thank you for reading!
Here is a YouTube video I would like to share with you. “The Secret Of A Long Lasting Relationship” by Gaur Gopal Das breaks down three key principles of successful relationships with his signature mix of humor and wisdom. If you’ve got 4 minutes today, grab a coffee or tea and give this a watch.
