You know what makes me smile? When newlyweds ask me for marriage advice, eyes bright with that “we’ve got this all figured out” look. I remember wearing that same expression twenty years ago. Now, two decades into this beautiful mess called marriage, I’ve learned a few things I wish someone had told my younger self.
Here’s the unvarnished truth: some days, marriage feels like dancing in perfect harmony; other days, it’s more like stepping on each other’s toes. Those Instagram-perfect couples? Trust me, they too have mornings of cold shoulders over unwashed dishes and heated discussions about whose turn it is to call the plumber.
Let me share my recipe for what I call the “staying in love sauce” ā crafted through years of burnt dinners, midnight conversations, shared victories, and yes, a few slammed doors:
Start with a heaping cup of trust. š« Not just the “I know they won’t cheat” kind, but the deeper “I can be completely myself, messy hair and morning breath included” trust. This is the foundation everything else sits on.
Fold in daily doses of communication. Sometimes it’s deep talks about our dreams; other times, it’s just sending silly memes that made us think of each other. I’ve learned that “How was your day?” isn’t just small talk ā it’s building bridges between our separate worlds.
Add a generous portion of respect. It’s amazing how far a simple “I value your opinion” goes, even when that opinion involves rearranging the furniture for the fifth time this year.
Sprinkle liberally with affection ā and not just the big romantic gestures. It’s the coffee made just the way they like it, the random back rubs, the “drive safe” texts. These tiny moments are the glue that holds everything together.
Here’s the secret ingredient: Patience. Lord knows I’m still working on this one. It’s remembering that we’re both works in progress, that neither of us came with an instruction manual, and that sometimes growth means watching the same mistakes on repeat until we finally get it right.
Mix in shared goals, but don’t forget to leave room for individual dreams. My partner and I are different people than we were twenty years ago ā thank goodness for that! We’ve learned to grow both together and separately.
Season with flexibility. Life throws curveballs, and sometimes your carefully planned recipe needs adjusting. The ability to adapt together is worth its weight in gold.
Don’t forget the essential ingredients of quality time and fun. Date nights matter just as much now as they did when we were newly dating ā maybe even more. Sometimes it’s a fancy dinner out, but more often it’s just us, sweatpants and takeout, laughing at our inside jokes.
The final, crucial element? Commitment. Not the showy, social media declaration kind, but the quiet, daily choice to keep stirring the pot, adjusting the seasoning, and believing in the recipe ā even when it feels like everything’s boiling over.
Looking back over these twenty years, I can say this: marriage isn’t about finding the perfect person. It’s about building something beautiful with an imperfect person who’s willing to grow with you. It’s about choosing each other, again and again, through the burnt dinners and the gourmet meals alike.
And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.
šššš Iām all ears and genuinely curious!
What has your journey with relationships taught you? What parts of that relationship reflection resonated most with your own experiences? I’d love to learn from your perspective and insights.
Love and light beautiful creatures, until next week. Thank you for reading!
Here is a YouTube video I would like to share with you. “The Secret Of A Long Lasting Relationship” by Gaur Gopal Das breaks down three key principles of successful relationships with his signature mix of humor and wisdom. If you’ve got 4 minutes today, grab a coffee or tea and give this a watch.