Solitude is a Strength
I used to be that person who couldn’t stop thinking. You know the type: always reaching for the phone, planning back-to-back meetings, doing anything to avoid being alone. In our hyper-connected world of instant messaging and frequent notifications, you’d think loneliness would be extinct. Yet here we are, more connected than ever, but straining to feel at ease in our own company.
The Uncomfortable Truth of Being Alone
Let me be honest: the first time I sat with my thoughts was horrifying. Those calm moments brought out all of the uncomfortable feelings I had been suppressing. Self-doubt crept in. The little voice wondering, “Am I good enough?” became louder. I was always seeking approval from others, hoping for someone—anyone—to reassure me I was on the right route.
Looking back, I understand it wasn’t just about being alone. It was about facing my anxieties and all that came with them.
Why Do We Run from Solitude?
Here’s something amazing I’ve discovered along the way: our desire for connection is not only in our minds; it’s literally in our DNA. Our ancestors survived by banding together, and that instinct is still strong in us today. Loneliness is more than just an emotional state; it is the result of our fundamental survival instincts.
But here’s the story twist: although our forefathers required regular connection for physical survival, we’re fleeing solitude for a different purpose. Our fear of what we might find when we slow down and look within makes us avoid our own company.
Breaking Free of the Validation Loop
I used to get caught in what I now refer to as the “validation loop,” where I was continually seeking confirmation from others about my decisions, emotions, and even my experiences. “Does this make sense?” “Am I overreacting?” Sounds familiar? While there is nothing wrong with seeking support from others (after all, we are human), I realized I had outsourced my self-worth to external sources.
My Journey to Embrace Solitude
Do you want to know what eventually changed for me? It began with modest steps. Here’s what worked for me and could benefit you too:
Reframing Solitude
Rather than seeing alone time as something to endure, I began to consider it as a gift to myself. Those peaceful periods became my opportunity to reconnect with myself, to dream, and to simply be.
Self-compassion Practice
I started treating myself like a close friend. I learned to respond with kindness rather than judgment when that inner critic appeared (and believe me, it still does). Remember this: Your worth is not defined by other people’s opinions; I had to learn this the hard way.
Solo Adventures
I started simply, with a coffee date for myself and a solo walk in the park. Now, some of my fondest memories come from solo experiences. It’s immensely powerful to like your own company.
Mindful Moments
I’m not talking about hour-long meditation sessions (although if that’s your thing, go for it!). For me, it began with five minutes of silent breathing every morning. These brief moments helped me get comfortable with stillness.
The Unexpected Freedom
What shocked me the most was how honest my connections became as I grew more comfortable with isolation. When you are no longer looking for approval, you can make connections based on actual compatibility rather than the dread of being alone.
What Being Alone Taught Me
The most beautiful paradox is that my relationships with people have become more meaningful as I’ve gotten better at being alone. When you’re at ease in your own skin, you stop attempting to fill stillness with noise or seeking affirmation for every decision. You learn to trust your instincts, to hear your own wisdom over the cacophony of outside opinions.
And here’s something that continues to amaze me: my creativity has grown in these peaceful periods. Those hours spent alone have been my most productive and inspiring times. Whether I’m working on a project, fixing an issue, or simply letting my mind wander, I’ve discovered that my finest ideas frequently emerge when I’m alone with my thoughts.
A Personal Note
I still find myself grabbing for my phone when stillness seems too heavy, or wanting someone else to validate my emotions. And you know what? That is okay. Growth is not a linear process, and old habits do not disappear instantly. The difference now is that I identify these situations as opportunities to practice becoming my own best friend.
Remember: Your connection with yourself sets the tone for all other relationships in your life. Make it a good one.
Until we meet again, keep listening to that quiet voice within. It can teach you more than a thousand outside voices combined.
I would love to hear from you: How do you feel about spending time alone? Have you discovered any ways to help you embrace solitude? Share your thoughts in the comments below; let’s learn from each other’s experiences.
Solitude #PersonalGrowth #SelfDiscovery #Mindfulness #Authenticity
